SHENANIGANS OF WAITRESSES

 BY SUNNDEEP CHOPRA:

Waitresses have earned various sobriquets down the ages: divine, supreme, enchantress, mistress of my dreams and even a censored or beeped word that refers to an illegitimate child if one were to believe a stereotypical joke attributed to the Sikhs or Sardarji’s as we have come to know them.

O! east is east and west is west and never the twain shall meet or so said Rudyard Kipling in one of his immortal poems, waitresses have certainly done their fair bit in dispelling their myth; they have donned miniscule mini skirts, long and flowing gowns, pinafores and flowing skirts, caftans, sarees or even flaunted their mammaries when the occasion has called upon them do so.

A thick or even better impermeable skin or hide, infinite patience, felicity with the most commonly spoken language within a country, passable visage, erect or upright body structure, impeccable manners, inherent ability to get downright dirty, stand for hours on one leg if required, brush off or condone sexual innuendos or overtures by desperadoes and last but not the least rudimentary self defence skills are desirable qualities in both budding and established waitresses.

Meeting orders, serving customers with a smile, taking orders, cleaning tables and floors (if required) and making customers feel at home is what most if not all waitresses do. The pay might not be earth shattering or bring the roof down, the hours are long and undulating, the job is primarily a thankless one that may earn you many more boots than bouquets; but the tips and gushing words of appreciation emanating from the lips of an appreciative customer do certainly go a long way in making up for the drudgery and mind numbing boredom associated with the profession.

Largely stereotyped as bimbettes with either little or no grey matter between their ears, waitresses have certainly dispelled this notion and how; they have cultivated or then acquired the ability to memorise and execute multiple orders almost simultaneously, learnt to laugh at/with themselves and wish away the ironies associated with the profession without bitterness and rancor and arrest the rising ardour and passion of many a budding romeo politely yet firmly by pitting them in their rightful places.

Still to get their due place under the sun, the profession continues to be looked at with disapproval, disdain and even disparagingly in most if not all developing or third world countries; yet young damsels continue to embrace the profession while turning a Nelson’s eye to the barbs, threats both implicit and explicit and real and present fear of social ridicule if not boycott; however smile all the while and be jolly, life wasn’t intended to be melancholic as Mae West once said.

Do log onto the websites of the Radisson, Hilton, Trident, Sheraton group of hotels or then colleges offering related courses for details on how one can go about entering the portals of this hallowed profession.